Chain

Anyone who grew up with the BBC’s coverage of Formula One (or who watches it now) will understand the title. The end section of Fleetwood Mac’s classic track was/is the theme of the BBC coverage (don't they all look young) and even now I have to turn it off if I’m in a car, otherwise I’ll start reflexively mashing the accelerator and cutting across the apex of corners.

The briefings are over – two days packed with intensive information, Q&A’s, and getting up close and personal with new code. While it’s what I enjoy doing for a living, man cannot live on work alone and it was time for some fun. Tonight we headed off to a go-kart track, one of my favourite ways spend a few hours. I know, a Formula One nut who’s into karting, what are the odds?

Unusually the karts were electric, a first for me. Usually a kart is petrol-powered, which makes them deliciously noisy but also a tad dangerous. The engines get very hot, and you have to wear flameproof overalls that get very sweaty. The electric carts had slightly less appeal for a petrol-head, but they were still a lot of fun, at first.

After a few practice laps the 20 racers qualified by means of a fastest lap time. I was on form, coming in second, around three tenths of a second behind the fastest chap on the track. We compared notes, shook hands over an agreement not to take each other out and then headed down to the grid. As we waited for the green flag I was humming ‘Chain’ to myself. If I could have managed it I’d have had earphones in, playing that, then ‘Temple of Love’ by the Sisters of Mercy and then AC/DC’s ‘You shook me all night long’ – three tracks guaranteed to have me going flat out and laying rubber.

The flag came down and we took off like rockets, albeit quiet ones. I realized almost immediately something was wrong – either I had no grip on this machine or it was going a lot faster than before. In the previous races I’d worked out a route that required no braking, just easing up on the throttle and one diamond turn to bleed off speed in the chicane.

That didn’t work now and on the third corner I overcooked it badly, went sideways into the barrier at around 25mph and hit hard – lateral impacts are no fun when you’ve just wearing a three point harness. I lost a place in the move and the right side of my back was on fire, but I managed to hold position and begin to reel in the number two driver, but couldn’t get past him or force an error, so finished in third.

I asked one of the organizers about it, who confirmed they’d increased the speed of the karts without telling anyone – a dick move that’s really dangerous. I wasn’t the only one damaged, two other people had had similar offs and one had broken his nose.

To add insult to injury when the race was over a computer error had me one lap down and in last place, apparently since the start of the race. Since they were already handing out medals I didn’t make a fuss – no-one wants to look like a sore loser – but it cast a pall over the night. I salved my aching back by writing a scorching Yelp review of the track’s activities.

I suppose I might have a cause against the firm – this is the land of the lawsuit after all – but we all signed waivers before racing. I suspect they are packed full of legal boilerplate that makes Microsoft’s NDA look like a pinky pledge and besides, those ambulance chasers need less work.