Dating etiquette

Nothing makes you feel like a stranger in a strange land like dating.

Dating is a minefield no matter where you are in the world. Behaviour that seems normal when you were growing up would get you imprisoned (Saudi Arabia), slapped (certain parts of mid-west America), or considered a wuss or suspected homosexual for not trying hard enough (Italy).

I’ve finally got down to some serious dating over here and the results have been confusing to say the least. The dates themselves have been very pleasant, laughter was plentiful, eye contact used sparingly but with effect and some socially acceptable arm stoking and the like exchanged.

But the follow up is the confusing bit. My view is that you have a window of about 48 hours at most to get back in contact with either an “Excellent night, now are you fixed for next Thursday” or a “You’re a lovely person but…”

However those rules don’t seem to apply over here. Call me Mr Picky (and some do) but a delay of five days either says “Not that keen but you’re a good backup in case Sven, the Swedish biker, doesn’t learn to commit” or “I’m just not that into you.”

Not so it seems. Instead there is a measure of coolness in getting back in contact that seems to be used of an indicator of how busy, and therefore important, you are. It’s very confusing.

Oh for the days of primary school. You knew where you were then. Either you held hands at playtime and sent letters emblazoned with hearts and the eponymous SWALK (sealed with a loving kiss – or more accurately a chocolaty tongue from one too many fun sized Mars bars) or you pointedly ignored each other and got kicked in the shins occasionally.

Even my clubbing days were easier than this. You went out with a bunch of mates, danced for six hours straight with a variety of women to brain-numbingly loud techno or happy house while altering your internal body chemistry. You then saw who you woke up with the next morning, and after working out if you’d actually done anything, agreed to meet up later. Sounds hit or miss but it was good for some very nice relationships.

But no, now we’re adults and it seems politics has to be key to relationships. I can’t help feeling the world would be a much happier place if we all dropped our inhibitions and were honest with each other.